I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need moral support for this bender
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize