is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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