I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
