Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
