I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
