Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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