he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
