fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
