drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
