I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
