Got a toothbrush?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
