i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
