She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
