i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
