I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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