what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
