She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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