proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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