You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize