Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
