I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
dude. I can hear the air.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
