mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
