Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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