They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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