Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
