Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't notice because vodka
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
