Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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