your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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