i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
