I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
