I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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