Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
