this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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