I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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