Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
