wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
