How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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