I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
