Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
