i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize