Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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