his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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