i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
