OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
