Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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