Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She even gives head with a lisp.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
