It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
