I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
