I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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