3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
