I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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