the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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