I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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