Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every concussion has its silver lining
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
