I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
