I think I died a long time ago.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
