when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
