Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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