I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
