We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
