I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
