I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
