So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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