Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
