It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
