Will you blow on my dice?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
