No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have already put on my inside pants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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