Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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