Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
