is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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