I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
