those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
