You're my little dorito
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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