the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
